Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
