I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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