So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
