he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
