we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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