After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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