i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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