I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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