I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
