and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my liver is dry heaving
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
