you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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