your parents love me but you hate me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
