Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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