I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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