I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
