How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
