Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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