youre lurking in front of me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize