Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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