Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
