I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
