not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
