i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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