My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dont even know how to be here
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
