You're so nebulous sometimes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
