ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
