I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
