Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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