then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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