Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
