Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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