We won't sleep together?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
