Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
