So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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