u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
