the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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