i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
