put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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