It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
