When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
