So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
