The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
