Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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