He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
