It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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