I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
