what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
