There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
