id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
