apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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