I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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