cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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