Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
