Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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