are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
