im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i came on her dog
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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