my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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