i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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