38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize