I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
