Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think your dad took our porno
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
