she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
