That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
