She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
