Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize