She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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