i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can you bring me the toilet please
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize