Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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