i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
