I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
