um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
