he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
