lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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