I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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