i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
