I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
