You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
