I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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