Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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