Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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