Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
