I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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