The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Text me some of your sweat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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