I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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