why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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