mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
