Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize