went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
