if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
