I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
