So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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