i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
