you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh god it's open bar.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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