I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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