Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
