I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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