ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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