I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
