How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I did not marry a roomba.
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