I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
