Do you still have your period?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
