you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
