Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
