So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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