I love black thongs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
