she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
