you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
