there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
