He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
